Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome.

I have always felt that being honest about struggles, difficulties and mental health is the best way to be.  Even with this mindset it can still be hard to believe that you are not ‘strange’ or ‘weird’ for feeling the way you do, or that you might be the only one who feels that way and that others might judge you.

When I had my daughter I was only 18 years old.  Being a young mum there was a lot of judgement and a lot of people looking down on me.  I was constantly being scrutinised with everyone telling me the best way to handle every element of parenting because I of course couldn’t handle it!  I went to a ‘mums and babies’ type class because that’s what I was told I should do, even though the idea of it set my anxiety off and making small talk with strangers makes me feel incredibly awkward.  The ‘mum and baby’ class was full of new mums 10+ years older than me saying things like ‘Isn’t motherhood the best’ and ‘The little smiles make the lack of sleep all worth it’ and all I could think was – ‘I must be the worst mother in the world because I am finding this all really hard and nothing seems to make up for the lack of sleep!’.  The classes made me feel terrible about myself and reinforced the negative feelings I had about myself and my abilities, or lack thereof.  Of course I couldn’t then be honest about how I was feeling because then people would know I was a terrible mum!  By the time I had my son 4 years later I had worked out that everyone lies and says things are great when they’re not so that no one will know they are struggling!  At this point I vowed to always be honest about my struggles so that other people would not feel inadequate about themselves because of my words.

Whilst the above is not an exact definition of imposter syndrome it does feed into the same type of negative self-talk and anxiety as imposter syndrome.  That feeling that you are not doing a good job, you are failing at things and one day everyone will find out that you are not any good, whether that is as a parent, a partner, a friend, an employee or even a boss!  The shocking thing about imposter syndrome is that so many people suffer from it, even those who seem to be the most confident extroverted people are sometimes stopped in their tracks by this overwhelming feeling that they are not good enough for the position they find themselves in and one day people will discover the truth.  In my work I often feel worried that I am going to be found out that I don’t know what I am doing.  The truth is, when I use my logical brain, I do know what I’m doing! Although it is difficult to say for myself, I am actually quite good at my job, I enjoy it, I get along with my colleagues, I work hard and I get things done.  But if I use my emotional brain, the one which is often more negative, I am struggling to do every element of my job and one day someone will find out I don’t know what I am doing and I will be fired! Does this sound familiar to you?

There are so many methods and systems for trying to overcome imposter syndrome but I think the truth is that you just learn to live with the understanding that those negative, intrusive thoughts are being dominated by your emotional brain, and find the strength to over power those thoughts by using your logical brain.  Press pause, take a breath and talk to yourself in short sensible facts.  You can do this, you know what you are doing, you have done this before, what is the actual worst that can happen (not your emotional response, the actual truth which is often very different).  Logic, structure, routine and processes are the foundation of a good admin career and therefore the foundation of the way I live my life.  It doesn’t meant the imposter syndrome, the negative self-talk and the intrusive thoughts don’t fight through, but it means I can sometimes understand them better.

Thanks for following!

Kay x